Fear

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“I am missing my hope and my faith,
I would like to call them,
but unfortunately,
I have forgotten their numbers.

I used to have them in my life directory,
they were the guidance of my life.
But I’ve lost them now,
I couldn’t seem to find them.

I wish for my hope and my faith to have social media,
for I could follow them wherever they go.
Instead,
it is the fear that I’ve been following.

I’ve become my fear’s number one fan,
its account on social media, is the only one that I don’t miss to check.
I seem to follow my fear wherever it goes.
Its number stuck in my head, in my heart,
in me.
I can’t remember how did I get my its number.

I would wake up everyday,
and promise myself to follow my heart, to do what I love to do,
but suddenly…
that fear of mine, sends me message to my inbox,
and it continues sending me video,
and finally,
we would end up chatting.
I read, I watch, I listen, and I talk to my fear.

Would you mind to tell me,
if you have hope and faith in your social media?
Could you please tag me,
for me to be able to add them.
I would want to talk to them,
have them back in my life.

But sadly,
fear would see on its timeline when you would tag me hope and faith.
I know fear would get jealous,
and it would stalk them,
until finally they would runaway from me,
and block me instead.

I should have got rid fear,
I know I should,
I just don’t know how to do so.
For it lives beneath my skin.

Fear is the first thought that crosses my mind,
every time I want to achieve something.
Sometimes fear of having bad day,
fear of having same routine,
fear of becoming a failure.

Fear of so many things.

But do you know what,
I think I already am, a failure.
For letting fear become me,
rather than letting me,
be my own self.”

(Lan)

  • Originally this poem was written few years ago and I performed it at Yearly Poetry event which called ‘The Colors of Life’, in 2016 at Adliya, Bahrain.

 

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